I do not know whether I shall awake unto

I write here from my bed where tonight I do not know whether I shall awake unto a silent grave or a place that Romeo awaits my presence.Devastating news came to me via my nurse yesterday. I was in my room when she entered; she threw down the cords she carried and I asked her what news she brings. I can remember it all so well. She seemed to be hysterical, I felt butterflies in my stomach and fear crept upon me. “Ah weraday, he’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead!” The nurse said hysterically. My immediate thought was my newly wed husband was slain, But by who?. . Himself?I dared ask the nurse, but no reply was spoke. Just the unconscious rambling on of the vision she doth see. Then she finally said something relevant “O Tybalt, Tybalt, The best friend I had. That ever I should live to see thee dead!” I felt sick with heartache. Romeo slaughtered and Tybalt dead? Why who is living if those two are gone. I came to learn that Romeos hand shed Tybalt’s blood. Extreme feelings of sadness and anger quickly rushed to my head, like a lion pouncing on its prey. I felt like I was betraying my dearest cousin by having deeper feelings for Romeo than my closest cousin Tybalt.I felt anger, hurt, and betrayal. Could Romeo have not had such a fray with my dear Tybalt, could he think not of our marriage two and one hours before? Romeo had destroyed any chance of us being together. . . Well at least he is not at the end Tybalt did meet, that was a sort of consolation, I suppose. . My life suddenly had no meaning, my husband was banished and my cousin Tybalt was slain.My nurse went hence in search of Romeo, to comfort me on what would be our last night together. Sorrow and grief ran through my veins and I felt like had been stabbed with ice through the very part of me that Romeo did win.I woke up this morning to Romeo standing to the window. I felt terrible. I never wanted that night to end. ‘It was the nightingale and not the lark’ I said, wanting to spend that little more time with him before he was to be banished. Everything seemed so clear. I was going through denial. I kept saying things I knew were just not true to comfort me and make him stay. I was desperate. My Romeo then talked of staying, for death is a fairer punishment than exile, and for us not to see each other again. I wanted to burst into tears, why such a punishment for our houses hate.The nurse entered with haste into my room and told me of my mother’s whereabouts. Romeo ran to the balcony and climbed to the other side where I shall never forget one of the last things he said to me “one kiss and I’ll descend” And with that he left. Maybe the last kiss I would ever get from my true love and only enemy. . .I was so upset; I could not stop thinking about Romeo and the night we shared. It’s not fair! My one love, my backgrounds enemy. Oh why pick me for such a terrible fate? Why was Romeo at my ball? Why me? For love hath not proved a happy ending and has caused great mishaps, such rare circumstances prevail, and all good is gone.My mother then entered the room. By this time I was in tears and I couldn’t show it was for Romeo. I felt really guilty that Romeo had taken my dearest Tybalt’s place in my heart. . . I felt that my lady didn’t really care for me either. She told me that if I couldst wash him from his grave with tears, I couldst not make him live, therefore have done. . . I really knew all of this was true, but the thought of Romeo was prevalent. My mother talked of bringing an end to Romeo’s life in Mantua. This brought out defiance in me. I would not let that, but I couldn’t let my mother know about me and Romeo. I had to be cautious of what I said. I told her that one of the reasons I was upset is because the murderer is from the reach of my own hands. Which was the genuine reason I was grieving, for I could not see Romeo. I simply used Tybalt as an excuse. She was oblivious to this and carried on talking to me. Tybalt seemed to me just another casualty to our hatred. It saddens me to say that, but I feel this could be the last chance I get to let everyone know the truth.My mother then delivered some startling news to me. That I was to marry county Paris at Saint Peters church early Thursday morn. I was stunned. A thousand different thoughts passed through my mind. I couldn’t marry Paris, there was no way. I am married to Romeo; I can’t get married to two people! This just can’t go ahead! It would also be against the law, Then what would become of me? Would I be at rest with Tybalt too? I had to refuse to marry. Then my father entered my room. My mother told him that I had refused but gives him thanks.My father flew into a rage when he found out I was refusing to marry Paris, and that made me defy him, something I’d never done before I met Romeo. He stated that if I didn’t go ahead with the arranged marriage it would be as if I was never born, he would disown me. It brought me to tears, tears of anger. I should have told the truth that I was already married, but either way he still would have treated me the same way. It was horrible, my own father calling me names, speaking to me like something on the bottom of his shoe. Falling to my knees, I begged him not to do this, to stop and see sense, but no not my father, he wasn’t having any of it and he turned his back. I felt a great sense of emptiness and regret, for to make my father feel like that saddened me and made me feel disrespectful. My dad left, I begged my mother to delay the marriage for a month, a week? Anything, or shall they find me where Tybalt lies. But mother wasn’t bothered; again. ‘Do as thou wilt, for I have done with thee. . .’The feeling of loneliness drove me to my nurse the one person who knew everything, who could support me and where I could seek comfort, however that wasn’t the case. My nurse told me to marry Paris, no one will know I was already married, and she also said Romeo is a dish clout compared to Paris. I was speechless; I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I recognised the fact that my nurse had given up on me, I was alone in the cold world; and then the Friar appeared to be a good idea and I decided to pay him a visit to tell him the terrible things that had happened.Trembling like crazy, I told the vicar and asked for his advice. I felt dazed and so many emotions were going through my mind, I felt weak. The vicar’s solution was a long shot, but at least he didn’t turn his back on me like my nurse. The vicar suggested I took a potion, which would make me appear dead, so I wouldn’t have to marry Paris, it was to be taken the night before the wedding, and I wasn’t sure, but in absolute desperation I took it from him. The vicar also told me to tell my family I was to marry Paris, that I wasn’t looking forward to, because I don’t like to back on my word, it was purely for Romeo and my love for him.The vicar also went through the plan and telling me what to expect, for example, the shock of waking up in tomb surrounded by dead bodies. My head was full of troubles as I was walking home. As I was telling my father I’m going to marry Paris I felt a feeling of deceitfulness. My father left me shocked when he said he is moving the wedding up to tomorrow instead of Wednesday, the vicar doesn’t know this, and so I have to take the potion tonight. So here I am, sitting on my bed, holding in my unsteady hand the key to my future with Romeo.

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